Navigating Tough Conversations on Neurodivergence & Eating

Have you been at a gathering lately where a family member has made a well-meaning comment about your child’s food and it’s rubbed you the wrong way and left you and your child feeling uncomfortable, angry, misunderstood, frustrated or even traumatised?

Many parents who have neurodivergent kids with ARFID or feeding differences cop a lot of judgement from family members, friends, the medical profession, and society at large around their child’s eating habits. This is really tough to navigate and can be very distressing for parents and children. 

I’ve come up with a few strategies to help you handle these uncomfortable situations and better support both you and your child.

But first, it’s important to acknowledge that advocating for yourself and your children can be really difficult, but it’s so important for our kids. They need to know we have their backs and that we radically accept all parts of them.

1. Prioritise your child’s well-being over others’ opinions

Remember that your primary responsibility is to support your child, not to meet societal expectations or avoid criticism. Teach them that their needs matter and that the way they eat is right for them and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. 
Validate your child’s experience with food as this will help them to build a peaceful relationship with food and help them to ignore some of the negative messages and comments. 

2. Education

Ensure you have a solid understanding of your child’s neurodivergence and how it affects their eating. This knowledge will empower you to explain your child’s needs to others.
You can provide family members, friends, and even medical professionals with resources and information about neurodivergence and your child's feeding differences or ARFID. This can help them understand your child’s eating differences and may help educate them to think about how they speak with you or your child.

3. Set boundaries

Where possible, talk to family and friends prior to events and politely but firmly set boundaries around food and eating. There may be a blanket boundary that people are not allowed to comment on food at all. You are allowed to set boundaries that support your children’s wellbeing.

4. Prepare scripts

You can prepare scripts that you can memorise which explain your child’s needs and challenges. 

For example

"My child has sensory sensitivities that affect their ability to eat certain foods. We’re working with professionals to ensure they get the nutrition they need in a way that’s comfortable and safe for them. I know you mean well, but please don’t comment on what my child eats. Thanks for understanding."

If someone says to you or your child that they are “fussy/picky” you might say: "I appreciate your concern, but we are following a plan that works best for our child. We would prefer not to discuss their eating habits in this way."

5. Your needs matter too

If any comments around food come up that make you feel distressed, unsettled or unsafe, it is also okay to simply leave the conversation or tell people to mind their own business. 

Written by Margo White, your Melbourne-based neurodiversity affirming clinical nutritionist and Neurodivergent advocate.

This article is intended as general advice only and does not replace medical advice. It is recommended that you seek personalised advice specific to your individual needs.

If you’d like more script examples on how to navigate unhelpful comments you can click on the below link